Good Housekeeping must have an excellent upcoming issue. On Tuesday we covered an interview with The Goldbergs’ Wendi McLendon-Covey and today we’re hearing some wisdom from prolific television producer Shonda Rhimes. Rhimes guest edited this issue, which includes The Awesome Women Awards, and she’s clearly earned her place among the other honorees. People is reporting on her comments about raising her three daughters, and she also talked about writing realistic female characters, living in the moment and tackling tough issues head on. I always enjoy Shonda’s interviews and this one is a gem.

You’re raising three daughters, ages 3 to 14, on your own. How are you encouraging them to be confident?
They couldn’t be more different from one another, but they’re all stubborn — and I mean that in the best way. No one will ever take advantage of them. They will always go their own way because they have decided they’re going to. That was definitely like me as a kid. It’s so much better than having a nice, pliable child who can be easily manipulated. I don’t want to have a nice girl. I’d rather have a stubborn girl.

Grey’s Anatomy was a breakthrough in terms of portraying strong, competitive women. Whom are they modeled after?
I keep getting asked how I write about such smart, strong women, and my response is, what’s the alternative? Weak, stupid women? They’re just normal people, not role models — if you’re aspiring to be like any of them, something’s a little bit wrong. You may want to dress like one or have her job, but do not aspire to be her!

What do you think goes into creating a happy life?
For me, it’s about living in the moment. I try never to regret things that have happened, because you can’t change the past, and I try really hard not to worry about things I have no control over. That, and forcing myself to have difficult conversations — that takes away a lot of anxiety. The time you spend avoiding the conversation, worrying about what’s going to happen when you have it — all that stuff goes away the minute you have the conversation. Now I just dive in.

How do you start a tough talk?
I literally open with “I need to have a difficult conversation with you.” If they did something, I say, “I know you ran over my cat,” or whatever it was. It’s wildly simple. Clarity is good for everybody. For better or worse, no matter how the conversation comes out, you have your answer and you’re done.

What else do you wish women knew?
I wish every awesome woman knew that the secret to life is that nobody knows anything. And nobody is better than you are. People deal with so much insecurity and spend so much time thinking, That person is better, so I couldn’t possibly try this. Yes, you can! Everybody puts themselves in little pockets and holds themselves back, but there’s no reason to. Make your own space.

[From Good Housekeeping]

I really like Shonda’s advice to just deal with things instead of put them off but of course it’s easier said than done. It’s one of those things that is simple, but not easy to do. Plus you worry that if you approach it the wrong way you’ll damage your relationship with the person. You want to think about it enough that you go into an important discussion informed and with a plan but not so much that you needlessly worry. There’s a balance there.

While I really liked the sentiment behind Shonda’s parenting philosophy, she was a bit too certain about it for my taste. She said her daughters will “always go their own way” and that “no one will ever take advantage of them.” I also believe in raising my son to question authority and be his own person but I try not to talk in absolutes about him like that. We don’t know how our kids are going to turn out and that’s what makes parenting scary. Shonda sounds fearless to me, but I read some of her memoir and it’s more like she’s worked hard to force herself to work through the fear and she did that until she mastered it. I need to take some lessons from her.

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Embed from Getty Images

Photos credit: Getty and Amanda Demme for Good Housekeeping