I remember watching an episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey years ago, probably in one of the first seasons, and absolutely hating Teresa and Joe Giudice as a couple. Teresa seemed like she would do anything for Joe, and he seemed like a short-tempered chauvinistic a–hole who treated her like a doormat. I’ve never gotten my gut-level take on their marriage out of my head, so I was surprised to see how much I’ve missed over the past five years or so. All of the Giudices’ crimes and fraud and grift took their toll. Joe and Teresa have basically been unofficially separated for about four years anyway, but now they’re making it official:

Twenty years of marriage, four kids, two prison sentences and one looming deportation later, Teresa and Joe Giudice have split. The Real Housewives of New Jersey stars “have been separated,” a source close to the family tells PEOPLE exclusively.

“They discussed their future when Teresa and the girls went to Italy in early November and they agreed that each had to move on. They are doing so amicably and very slowly,” the source says. “Joe has been out on a few dates, Teresa has not. She has been too busy with the girls, with work obligations and taking care of her father. She is happy for Joe . They have been very friendly with one another and are very supportive of each other’s happiness. They still love one another, but as Teresa told Andy Cohen on the WWHL special, they are separated by the Atlantic Ocean. Neither is interested in a long distance relationship.”

Still, the sources says “there are no plans for divorce” at this time, adding that “both of them are focused” on their four daughters: Gia, 18, Gabriella, 15, Milania, 14, and Audriana, 10. The source says the girls will be visiting Joe for Christmas in Italy, while Teresa is staying home in New Jersey with her father.

Teresa, 47, and Joe, 49, were childhood sweethearts and got married in October 1999. They have been living apart for nearly four years. Joe began a 41-month prison sentence for mail, wire and bankruptcy fraud in March 2016; Teresa served a little over 11 months in prison for the same crimes, and was released on Dec. 23, 2015.

[From People]

People Mag goes on to describe Joe’s legal situation – after he completed his prison sentence in 2018, he was held in ICE custody because he’s an Italian citizen and he had not previously sought American citizenship. He was held in ICE custody for months and then eventually agreed to self-deport to Italy this year and wait out his third deportation appeal. It sounds like both Teresa and Joe made their peace with their separation years ago, and now they’re just making it official. I wonder why they’re not filing for divorce though? Catholic thing or legal/criminal/citizenship thing?

Photos courtesy of WENN.