David Beckham is in the middle of a massive hacking scandal. First they came for Hillary Clinton, and I was like “Why is this a thing?” Then they came for the DNC and I was like “John Podesta seems like a really nice guy.” And now they’re coming for David Beckham and I’m like, “Oh, he really cares about being knighted? Why is this shocking?” Seriously, hackers, DO BETTER. Hack Donald Trump. Hack Steve Bannon. Hack Kellyanne Conway. Hack David Duke. Hack Vladimir Putin. Hack someone who actually has some f–ked up secrets. So what are David Beckham’s secrets? Allegedly, he ramped up his work with UNICEF in the hopes of getting a knighthood… which he still hasn’t gotten, by the way. He only has an OBE, not a KBE. Allegedly, he was asked to speak out on Scotland’s independence vote. That’s about it. And even then, Beckham denies that the emails are legit. His spokesperson issued this statement:

“This story is based on outdated material taken out of context from hacked and doctored private emails from a third-party server and gives a deliberately inaccurate picture. David Beckham and UNICEF have had a powerful partnership in support of children for over 15 years. The David Beckham 7 Fund specifically has raised millions of pounds and helped millions of vulnerable children around the world. David Beckham has given significant time and energy and has made personal financial donations to the 7 Fund, and this commitment will continue long term.

Before establishing the 7 Fund, David had supported UNICEF and a number of other charities over many years, including donating his entire earnings from PSG during his time playing there. David and UNICEF are rightly proud of what they have and will continue to achieve together and are happy to let the facts speak for themselves.

[Via Bleacher Report]

So what was in those emails? The Sun broke the story, but you can see a good summary here at the Daily Mail. I mean, some of the emails – which could have been doctored, to be clear – are truly damaging, especially when Becks is acting bratty about UNICEF covering his travel costs and more. But mostly the emails seem bizarrely needy, like Beckham has just been obsessed with getting an honor which really doesn’t mean that much in the grand scheme of things.

As for the Scottish independence thing, allegedly Beckham was told that if he publicly backed a vote against Scottish independence, that would help his campaign for a knighthood. Beckham did issue a statement (“What unites us is greater than what divides us. Let’s stay together.”) four days before the Scottish vote. And now the Scots are pissed because they feel like Beckham sold them out for a knighthood… which, again, he hasn’t gotten.

You know what’s weird? I honestly thought Beckham was already knighted. How has he not been knighted at this point? Andy Murray has been knighted and Murray is more than a decade younger than Beckham.

Photos courtesy of WENN.